Julie, one of my dating coaching clients, found a guy with real potential on the Internet. His profile was great and he seemed very smart. Julie and Dave had a really wonderful phone conversation and she was excited to meet him for coffee.

On the other hand, Dave had several kids from different ex-wives which Julie wasn't crazy about. She had difficulty in the past dealing with guys who had kids and ex-wives who created problems.

Julie decided the best thing to do was to be upfront and honest with Dave. She wanted to put it out there and tell him of her past bad experiences with kids and ex-wives. Even though she liked Dave, she didn't want to get serious with a man who had this kind of baggage unless she could have him do something about it.

As her dating coach, I understand Julie's worries, but I asked her to take a step back and think how that message might sound if she was receiving it. Being "honest," about her past experience and insisting his kids are respectful at the very first meeting will surely turn Dave off. That is way too much honesty for a first date, not to mention unreasonable to even ask.

Let's think about this from the guy's perspective. Dave connects with this great woman online and is looking forward to meeting her in person. But just minutes into the face-to-face conversation, she tells him what she needs to consider a serious relationship (where did that come from?) and wants to know if his kids and ex-wives are pleasant. Yikes!

Sharing problems with Dave's life from the get go may seem honest to Julie, but it won't feel very good to him. She's waving a massive red flag in his face and coming across as demanding and high maintenance. Don't count on a second date if you do that.

My advice to Julie is to decide whether or not she will date guys with kids and ex-wives. End of story. Then, if she decides to meet Dave, see if he's worth a second date before worrying about potential problems. You can't head off problems with kids by being honest right up front about it. Instead, you'll end up with a lot of first dates and no seconds because you'll be an unpleasantly "honest".

If you know you can't date a guy with kids, then don't even consider a man who has kids. That decision makes your dating life so much simpler! However, if you're curious, you can only know if a man is right for you when you meet him with an open mind. Then, see what happens next.

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By Ronnie Ann Ryan

Ronnie Ann Ryan woke up on her 40th birthday and realized she might be single for the rest of her life. It was at that moment she decided to turn things around. After dating 30 men in 15 months, she met her husband Paul. And then she knew that if she could do it – others could too – which was why she became a Dating Coach and founded It’s Never Too Late for Love.  Her mission is to share her knowledge and advice on dating with everyone who wants it and is ready to find love.

Her book, MANifesting Mr. Right: It’s Never Too Late to Find the Love You Want has received high praise and is treasured by many as one of the best guidebooks on dating. In it, Ronnie provides the dating tips and strategies that lead her and over 1,000 others to jumpstart or accelerate their search for love. (Check out the right hand side bar to get your copy.) She has been interviewed by Sally Jesse Raphael, appeared on NBC News, Fox News, and ABC’s Chronicle in Boston, MSN.com, MORE.com and many other features in newspaper, magazine and web articles in the US and internationally.

In addition, Ms. Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach, marketing consultant, and writer. She is a speaker and workshop leader who focuses on marketing topics and personal development, and classes for Adult Education programs around New England. Ronnie presents highly effective programs packed with tools that really work with an energetic and humorous style that captivates audiences.

Ronnie has worked in Marketing for 20+ years with Fortune 500 companies, agencies, small businesses, and individuals to develop strategies and implement programs. Ms. Ryan holds an MBA from Northeastern University, a BA from the University of Connecticut , was certified as a Coach (CCC) by Comprehensive Coaching University, and earned her coaching certificate from Coaches Training Institute. She spent seven years in marketing at General Foods (Kraft Foods) and has been consulting since 1990.

Ronnie has multiple websites including:

www.DatingforKeepsExpo.com  ; www.MANifestingMrRight.com ; www.NeverTooLate.biz ;

She can be reached at: 203-877-3777.

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