As children we hear many messages from our parents. Those messages have a tremendous impact on who we are and how we behave as adults. My parents taught me to eat anything even if it is processed and disgusting, go to college, get a job and work hard no matter how unhappy it makes me and get married and stay married.

For years I believed every one of these messages. I ate like crap until I developed gestational diabetes with my first pregnancy, I worked full time for years at jobs that made me unhappy and I stayed in relationships that I knew were wrong. It was just fine as my parents were proud of me and for some reason thought I was the one they never had to worry about.

Today I am a vegetarian who stays far away of processed and disgusting foods, I have my own business that makes me light up like a Christmas tree and I have found true love! But in order to reach this point it took a tremendous amount of work. I first had to identify what those messages were that my parents instilled in me. I then needed to stop believing them and lastly I had to embrace my new beliefs.

I hold no grudges toward my parents. In fact I am quite sure these same beliefs were passed on to them from their parents and many generations earlier. I just decided that I was going to be the one to break the cycle. My sister on the other hand continues to believe all of these things. I bring my own food when I visit her, I accept that she is always going to complain about her unsatisfying job and I am always prepared for listening to her struggles in trying to find true love. I accept her for who she is and understand how hard it is for her to recognize the power she has to change her life.

The most important message is the one about relationships. My sister and I both divorced after long, unhappy marriages. She is still single and the first thing anyone in my family wants to talk about is who she is dating. In fact on many occasions my Dad will call me and ask if I think this guy will marry her. I laugh to myself and change the subject. Dad never asks if he makes her happy but this really was never a value in my home.

I was talking to a client recently who has been single for a long time. She talked about how she often dates guys that never call her and don't make her feel special or desirable. I changed the subject to her childhood. She responded by telling me that she hasn't talked to her parents in almost 20 years and she mostly remembers feeling invisible and ignored as a child. I asked her if she thinks perhaps that being ignored and neglected is what is familiar to her? And then I suggested that perhaps she is seeking men that bring her back to this familiar place. I think she may have been stunned for a moment. But here is her big chance to change her patterns and beliefs. Now that she identified these messages she just needs to stop believing them and embrace new beliefs.

If you are someone that has challenges finding true love, I ask you to think about the messages you received about love as a child. If you can make the connection between these messages and your current love life you have accomplished a lot today. The next step is to stop believing them and embrace new beliefs. I used to write down the negative messages and then tear them up, burn them or flush them down the toilet. Sometimes I had to do this multiple times to reach my goal. Then you just need to write down those new healthy beliefs and repeat them aloud until you believe them. I know some folks just want to find the love of their life and avoid all of this hard work. But give this a shot and I believe you will be amazed by the results. I am living proof that this can change your life forever.

By Jaimy Blazynski

I am Jaimy Blazynski and I am the dating expert here in the Hartford, CT area. I remember someone asking me what qualifies me to be a dating expert to which I replied “lots of experience”.

Like many of you I was married, divorced, and a single mother for many years. And after 13 match.com dates I met my second husband. I learned a great deal through the entire experience. The most valuable lesson I learned was that attitude is everything. Ok, maybe not everything but a bad attitude can make the most attractive people look ugly!

I began this business in 2005 for 2 reasons. The first is that I want to help others learn from the mistakes I made and the challenges I have had. Everyone can find true love as long as they believe it is available to them. Change your attitude and it can change your life! Especially your love life! The second reason is because I get a rush of excitement every time I make a successful match! And we have had many. So whether you are newly married with your first baby like Melissa and Kevin, in your 40′s Like Dee and Doug, your 50′s like Darcy and Monty or my over 60 couple Rita and Harley you all have one thing in common. You are the success stories of Got 5 Minutes? that make me smile every time I think of you! I always say I will never stop until I have married everyone of! I look forward to meeting all of you at one of our speed dating events.

Jaimy Blazynski is The Date Doctor. You can hear her every Friday afternoon at 5:45 on 96.5 WTIC with Damon Scott. She can also be seen on Better CT at 3:00 PM on Fridays. Jaimy has given dating advice to thousands of people. Let her answer your dating questions

You can contact Jaimy at 860-324-6679 or info@got5minutes.com and she happily gives free advice on her website http://got5minutes.com/

Please login to post your comments.