I have a thought provoking question for you today ladies... If you had to select 1 of these 2 choices which would it be?

1. Would you rather be totally in love with your mate (where the love is not completely reciprocated)?

2. Would you rather your mate be totally in love with you (and your feelings are not completely reciprocated)?

I posted this question in a survey to both men and women. I was not surprised to see that almost all of the ladies want their husband to be totally in love with them. As far as the men go, it was almost split down the middle. Many folks just couldn't bring themselves to select either one. I am not surprised. I always tell people that the two things you should never sacrifice are love and respect. I hope none of you have to make this choice. You would be better off being single.

I thought a bit deeper about why I selected choice number 2. Since my first crush about 30 years ago I always went for the guy who had trouble expressing love. Today at 42 years old I can't imagine why I found this attractive. The dark, mysterious type that very few could ever connect with. I can specifically remember some "nice" guys asking me out, but I didn't dare. In high school it just didn't seem cool. I was happier hanging out with Eddie! He was my first real boyfriend. I was in 10th grade and he was dropped out of high school and even served time for drug dealing. I can't imagine how I snuck this one by my parents. The truth is I think Eddie dated me just to get closer to my best friend Kara. That is my earliest memory of liking the guy just a little more than he liked me. I can't bring myself to use the word "love" when talking about a 10th grade crush. But this pattern continued for a very long time. I find these guys on FaceBook today and laugh to myself about how much I liked and chased these boys! It was a pattern that I was not going to break for a very long time. If I knew then what I know now! The truth is that there was one guy in college who broke the mold. Sully did like and pursue the relationship and I am sorry to say that was his biggest mistake. I honestly didn't know what the heck to do with this type of guy!

It wasn't until after my divorce that I figured out what I was doing wrong. It all started with me. It was so easy to think that all I needed was a nice guy and all my problems would go away. But I realized that I had to take time to like myself before I would believe that a nice guy is exactly what I deserve. I was a new mother (separated when Matt was just a year old), I found new friends, I joined a gym, began scrap booking and slowly discovered that I liked time alone and time with my son more than any guy. I won't lie, I was on match.com and always looking but I wasn't so desperate anymore.

That is when I met Erik. It was perfect timing and I had no idea. I liked myself and realized on a subconscious level that I deserved a nice guy. Now don't get me wrong, Erik has an edge too! He had a motor cycle, played poker, hockey and even came with a pit bul. But still he was personable, nice and really wanted to have a relationship with me. I realized how much better it was to fall in love with someone that loved me right back. It has been 10 years and the relationship is still strong! My grandmother always told me that the guy should love you just a little more than you love them. I think it varies quite a bit in my relationship (as it does in many) but at the end of the day the love, trust and respect is strong. So I end this story with telling you to never be with someone that doesn't make you feel loved! It took me forever to figure it out and I hope I may have saved some of you the time. Keep looking and never give up!

By Jaimy Blazynski

I am Jaimy Blazynski and I am the dating expert here in the Hartford, CT area. I remember someone asking me what qualifies me to be a dating expert to which I replied “lots of experience”.

Like many of you I was married, divorced, and a single mother for many years. And after 13 match.com dates I met my second husband. I learned a great deal through the entire experience. The most valuable lesson I learned was that attitude is everything. Ok, maybe not everything but a bad attitude can make the most attractive people look ugly!

I began this business in 2005 for 2 reasons. The first is that I want to help others learn from the mistakes I made and the challenges I have had. Everyone can find true love as long as they believe it is available to them. Change your attitude and it can change your life! Especially your love life! The second reason is because I get a rush of excitement every time I make a successful match! And we have had many. So whether you are newly married with your first baby like Melissa and Kevin, in your 40′s Like Dee and Doug, your 50′s like Darcy and Monty or my over 60 couple Rita and Harley you all have one thing in common. You are the success stories of Got 5 Minutes? that make me smile every time I think of you! I always say I will never stop until I have married everyone of! I look forward to meeting all of you at one of our speed dating events.

Jaimy Blazynski is The Date Doctor. You can hear her every Friday afternoon at 5:45 on 96.5 WTIC with Damon Scott. She can also be seen on Better CT at 3:00 PM on Fridays. Jaimy has given dating advice to thousands of people. Let her answer your dating questions

You can contact Jaimy at 860-324-6679 or info@got5minutes.com and she happily gives free advice on her website http://got5minutes.com/

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