A new dating coaching client called because she is finally serious about finding love. At 48, Carol, a single mother from Chicago, struggles with counter-productive beliefs that hamper her search. As a coach for dating over 40 and dating after divorce, it’s my job to help clients achieve their goal of finding love.

Yesterday, we talked about her many fears regarding looking for love. For example, “What if I can’t change my negative beliefs? What if I can’t find the right man? What if I’m not young enough or pretty enough to attract a good man?”

I respect my Carol’s feelings and her fears are real. But my response to her was, “What if you get hit by a bus tomorrow?”

I was completely serious because who knows what is going to happen? What I DO know is that you cannot focus on what you want and what you are afraid of at the same time. Thinking about what all the “what ifs” is such a waste of time and energy, unless…unless you are focusing on the GOOD THINGS that might happen. Now that’s a completely different story.

Have You Heard about the Law of Attraction ?

This is exactly how the Law of Attraction (LOA) works. Like attracts like – so when you focus on the good things that can happen, you raise your energy to the level of those good things. Happy thoughts fill your head and permeate your being. That’s very powerful. And this can be equally as powerful on the flip side which is why you don’t want to purposefully focus on the negative.

Want another reason not do linger in What -If-Land? You could never create scenarios for all the things that might go wrong in your life. There isn't enough time in the day. Bad things may happen to you it’s true – but you cannot plan for all of them. You could “What if?” yourself into depression and panic, but that doesn’t mean any of these concerns will come true.

A Powerful Method to Shift Your Thoughts

I convinced Carol she needed to create a REPLACEMENT THOUGHT for when she catches herself drifting into What-If-Land. She decided the best thought to fight her fears is the positive outcome she desires. Carol wants to let down her guard, so she can be friendlier and more open to men. Smart thinking!

Every time one of these fears shows up, Carol will visualize a brick wall representing her defenses being up and imagine removing a brick or two. As her resistance diminishes, she might kick multiple bricks down or shoot the wall with a canon ball, until she manages to demolish the wall completely in her mind. This creates a visual of her opening up by way of eliminating her wall of defense.

Scientific Research Backs this Technique!

Don’t underestimate the power of these visualizations. They are extremely effective. Just ask any athletes who have spent time visualizing their success on the field. Research has proven these mind games can be more effective than actual sports practice for improving results!

If you notice negative thoughts about finding love and recognize how this is holding you back, try creating your own replacement thought. Combine it with a visual and use it consistently. There is no doubt in my mind that you can turn things around and find the love you want.

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By Ronnie Ann Ryan

Ronnie Ann Ryan woke up on her 40th birthday and realized she might be single for the rest of her life. It was at that moment she decided to turn things around. After dating 30 men in 15 months, she met her husband Paul. And then she knew that if she could do it – others could too – which was why she became a Dating Coach and founded It’s Never Too Late for Love.  Her mission is to share her knowledge and advice on dating with everyone who wants it and is ready to find love.

Her book, MANifesting Mr. Right: It’s Never Too Late to Find the Love You Want has received high praise and is treasured by many as one of the best guidebooks on dating. In it, Ronnie provides the dating tips and strategies that lead her and over 1,000 others to jumpstart or accelerate their search for love. (Check out the right hand side bar to get your copy.) She has been interviewed by Sally Jesse Raphael, appeared on NBC News, Fox News, and ABC’s Chronicle in Boston, MSN.com, MORE.com and many other features in newspaper, magazine and web articles in the US and internationally.

In addition, Ms. Ryan, MBA, CCC, is a Certified Coach, marketing consultant, and writer. She is a speaker and workshop leader who focuses on marketing topics and personal development, and classes for Adult Education programs around New England. Ronnie presents highly effective programs packed with tools that really work with an energetic and humorous style that captivates audiences.

Ronnie has worked in Marketing for 20+ years with Fortune 500 companies, agencies, small businesses, and individuals to develop strategies and implement programs. Ms. Ryan holds an MBA from Northeastern University, a BA from the University of Connecticut , was certified as a Coach (CCC) by Comprehensive Coaching University, and earned her coaching certificate from Coaches Training Institute. She spent seven years in marketing at General Foods (Kraft Foods) and has been consulting since 1990.

Ronnie has multiple websites including:

www.DatingforKeepsExpo.com  ; www.MANifestingMrRight.com ; www.NeverTooLate.biz ;

She can be reached at: 203-877-3777.

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